He's still angry, though, because trust had been broken big time. He ended up releasing a sigh, and paused, at feeling the pat on his back. It was nice to receive at least a little comfort.
But, he finally let go so he could look at Dazai properly.
The only good thing in all this was that Dazai showed at least some remorse. But to be honest, Ango dying and all of this was the last thing Rean wanted to have happen. ]
No, it's not. If anything, it'd likely make it worse. So please don't bother with it.
[ ...Dazai could admit the suicide pact to Rean, but he'd give him a hard slap with his actual hand, hard enough to leave a mark if that happened, so there's that. ]
I had no illusions that I'd ever be able to take it easy. It's not me who's suffering the most at the moment, anyway.
[ He knows. He keeps messing things up between them and the only reason Rean is still there by him is in case Dazai kills himself or someone else does.
He'll look at Rean, look at the anger he sees there and the dark spots still under his eyes. Keeping his hands on Rean to gently pull him towards the mattresses. ]
I won't.
[ Also, that's sad Rean. It's almost like a punch to the gut that Rean thought he would never take it easy. He knows this is how Rean is, but... Rean deserves better. As soon as they get to the mattresses, he's going to nod towards them. Kicking off his own shoes. ]
We should sit down. [ So they aren't up on their feet for all of this, and it might be easier to get Rean to sleep after their talk. ]
We can both take it easy for a bit then. You're going to keep your eyes one me after all, and I need to stay out of trouble. [ Further trouble. There's a beat. ] I know it doesn't matter now, but I was planning on telling you the truth.
[ He allowed Dazai to do so, and finally he'll be taking off his boots, before tossing his jacket onto the chair with great practice. ]
Mm...yeah, we should.
[ He'll lie down on one of the mattresses, so at least they're half-way there. He felt like he wanted to actually cry a little, but at the same time, he's cried enough times already, so for now he knew he was good enough with that. ]
Do you really believe we can take it easy? Well...maybe for a day or two. Hopefully.
[ His words sounded distracted, really. Not entirely there but it's fine. ]
...When, exactly? If I ever decided to ask, or...?
[ He should probably cry. Dazai is going to scoot to the back to rest against the wall, sitting close to Rean. He's going to start removing his coat and tie. They can be yeeted to the other side and picked up later. ]
We can take it easy. Working ourselves to death isn't going to help anyone, especially those we want to save in Twilight. I know you won't feel at ease unless you're checking on everyone or keeping busy.
[ So just a day or two. Or maybe just little breaks when he can sneak them and drag the other with. ]
We'll do what we can with what we have. I'm planning on picking up where Dist left off... I'm not a mechanic, but I have been watching him at the auto shop. I have all of Lady's blue prints in my head and her notes. I can probably figure it out.
[ Tapping his own forehead as he says that. It's honestly weird without all the bandages on his face. He's sharing this much at least to help make sure Rean knows they have a direction they can explore. ]
If you had asked, I would have told you the truth. [ He can't lie to Rean. Not any more. ] I almost shared a couple of times... I was going to share this week, but Ango was breaking down from all the guilt. [ Making a noise after he says this. ] Haha I'm so stupid.
[ Hindsight is a bitch. ]
There's only a few people I can't say no to... and he's one of them. He asked me to keep my power a secret and then asked if we can swap during the second week.
Edited (whoops forgot a part) Date: 2020-02-09 09:33 pm (UTC)
Yeah, you've really got me in a nutshell, I guess.
[ Just a day or two. It's fine. He could try to restrain himself (lol)
...Definitely at least for tonight. He could manage that. ]
You're awfully talented, to be able to learn all of that just by watching Dist, and remembering Lady's blue prints just like that.
[ Rean then sighed, turning in the bed as he pulled the blanket over so only his head was visible. But his eyes were still on Dazai as he released another tired sigh at the explanation. ]
Why would he ask that of you? Wouldn't he understand how dangerous that was if either of you had ended up in a bad position before now?
[ He's sharing that much because it's been a day. He's unbuttoning his top enough to be able to get in and just start loosening the bandages around his chest. ]
I have a great memory. After talking to her, I would go back to my room and write everything down. [ Don't ask how good his memory is it's insane.
Once the bandages as loose, he's just going to slowly pull on them and start pulling them off. ]
It's because it's dangerous that he asked. He was worried people would target me based on my profile or my personality. The gravity powers are touch based, while Sonui is long distance. He probably figured if anyone went after one of us, they would be playing to the weaknesses of those abilities.
[ So someone going after Ango would stay out of hands reach while someone after Dazai would keep close to keep him from risking himself with glass shattering/noise blasting. ]
If it meant keeping him safe and giving him one less thing to worry about...
[ It's alright for him to share that, though it did make him go quiet. He'll life the blankets some more for a moment so only his eyes and hair were visible as he listened to Dazai speak.
It was making him think about things, such as their early interactions. He wondered, if things had gone differently, he would have accepted the other's advances.
He ended up deciding that he's more or less uncertain of anything and everything. He sighed, lowering the blankets a little. ]
...Alright, I guess I understand a little better now. Even if I can't say I'm very happy with the consequences and the fact it was done at all. What's done is done, and there's nothing else to be done about it right now.
[ Rean wished that it wouldn't have been used in such an advantageous way in a situation where Ango had killed. He released a shuddering breath. ]
As terrible as things went, Dazai, I'm glad at least that you're safe. I wouldn't know what to do if something had happened to you.
[ It takes a little shuffling before he's finally free of his chest bandages. Just going to plop them down next to him, and deciding he's giving up on removing the rest or fixing his shirt. It's fine since Rean has seen it all anyways. ]
I know. I never thought he would...
[ Sighing a bit as he bumps his head against the wall a bit. He's honestly is mad about that, but he can't bother to feel it any more. It's as Rean says... it's done with and over.]
There's no where else to go but forward.
[ He stops at those words though. Looking at Rean carefully for a moment before he just closes his eyes. ]
That makes it sound like I might be special to you. [ He said it before to Rean but he knows it's not true. ] You would have been fine without me. Well, you would be missing a lot more sleep.
[ Leaning forward to lightly pat that blue hair. ]
Some of them will blame me for his actions because he did them for me. To keep me from finding out his secret.
[ This group had petty people in it. Not to mention, a lot of the headache wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Dazai. But that's just how it is. He's not going to pretend other wise.
Lightly pushing that hair before he let's go. Just going to scoot a little further away before laying down himself.
He's looking up at the ceiling for a moment or two before he turns to face Rean. Meeting those pale purple eyes. ]
I know. You don't have time for any of that.
[ He does reach over to offer his hand. ]
You're important to me, too. Not because of those feelings. Life here is interesting and a little brighter having you here. You're my friend.
[ And that's more important than any certain ways or special feelings he may carry. ]
[ If it was for the powers swap thing, that's one matter. But for Ango's own actions to kill Dist? It made his stomach twist, but he knew that Dazai was right.
And though these things weren't fair, they were what they were. He'll blink as he watched the other move away. But, he did appreciate the other's understanding as he responded like he did.
Rean will reach out for that hand, fingers wrapping around the other's gently. His expression went through a few emotions, but then he settled on smiling. ]
Dazai....I don't think there's any words I can say that'd properly convey how grateful I am for you. You've...always been by my side, and there when I need you the most. I'll never take that for granted, and though it's been rough sometimes, I'll never regret getting to know you.
So, no matter what happens here on...thank you for everything.
[ The distance was to make sure he was tempted to hug the other like this.
Giving his hand a squeeze. ]
I'll be borrowing your hand. I won't be giving it back until after you wake up again.
[ At least Rean will know he's not planning on going any where. ]
We can talk more later. You need sleep.
[ The conversation is getting too soft and Dazai is being too honest. He does give a smile at Rean though. It's there for a moment before it's gone again. It's been a day. ]
[ Keep physical contact with someone while asleep is strange, but it's oddly comforting. It takes him a while longer to settle his mind and finally sleep.
Also that is so unfair to see him like that later. ]
at the same time, man is drawn to death. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a singular event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-02-09 05:13 pm (UTC)He's still angry, though, because trust had been broken big time. He ended up releasing a sigh, and paused, at feeling the pat on his back. It was nice to receive at least a little comfort.
But, he finally let go so he could look at Dazai properly.
The only good thing in all this was that Dazai showed at least some remorse. But to be honest, Ango dying and all of this was the last thing Rean wanted to have happen. ]
No, it's not. If anything, it'd likely make it worse. So please don't bother with it.
[ ...Dazai could admit the suicide pact to Rean, but he'd give him a hard slap with his actual hand, hard enough to leave a mark if that happened, so there's that. ]
I had no illusions that I'd ever be able to take it easy. It's not me who's suffering the most at the moment, anyway.
cw suicide in brackets
Date: 2020-02-09 06:37 pm (UTC)He'll look at Rean, look at the anger he sees there and the dark spots still under his eyes. Keeping his hands on Rean to gently pull him towards the mattresses. ]
I won't.
[ Also, that's sad Rean. It's almost like a punch to the gut that Rean thought he would never take it easy. He knows this is how Rean is, but... Rean deserves better. As soon as they get to the mattresses, he's going to nod towards them. Kicking off his own shoes. ]
We should sit down. [ So they aren't up on their feet for all of this, and it might be easier to get Rean to sleep after their talk. ]
We can both take it easy for a bit then. You're going to keep your eyes one me after all, and I need to stay out of trouble. [ Further trouble. There's a beat. ] I know it doesn't matter now, but I was planning on telling you the truth.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-09 08:35 pm (UTC)Mm...yeah, we should.
[ He'll lie down on one of the mattresses, so at least they're half-way there. He felt like he wanted to actually cry a little, but at the same time, he's cried enough times already, so for now he knew he was good enough with that. ]
Do you really believe we can take it easy? Well...maybe for a day or two. Hopefully.
[ His words sounded distracted, really. Not entirely there but it's fine. ]
...When, exactly? If I ever decided to ask, or...?
tl dr
Date: 2020-02-09 08:47 pm (UTC)We can take it easy. Working ourselves to death isn't going to help anyone, especially those we want to save in Twilight. I know you won't feel at ease unless you're checking on everyone or keeping busy.
[ So just a day or two. Or maybe just little breaks when he can sneak them and drag the other with. ]
We'll do what we can with what we have. I'm planning on picking up where Dist left off... I'm not a mechanic, but I have been watching him at the auto shop. I have all of Lady's blue prints in my head and her notes. I can probably figure it out.
[ Tapping his own forehead as he says that. It's honestly weird without all the bandages on his face. He's sharing this much at least to help make sure Rean knows they have a direction they can explore. ]
If you had asked, I would have told you the truth. [ He can't lie to Rean. Not any more. ] I almost shared a couple of times... I was going to share this week, but Ango was breaking down from all the guilt. [ Making a noise after he says this. ] Haha I'm so stupid.
[ Hindsight is a bitch. ]
There's only a few people I can't say no to... and he's one of them. He asked me to keep my power a secret and then asked if we can swap during the second week.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-10 12:49 am (UTC)[ Just a day or two. It's fine. He could try to restrain himself (lol)
...Definitely at least for tonight. He could manage that. ]
You're awfully talented, to be able to learn all of that just by watching Dist, and remembering Lady's blue prints just like that.
[ Rean then sighed, turning in the bed as he pulled the blanket over so only his head was visible. But his eyes were still on Dazai as he released another tired sigh at the explanation. ]
Why would he ask that of you? Wouldn't he understand how dangerous that was if either of you had ended up in a bad position before now?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-10 01:13 am (UTC)[ He's sharing that much because it's been a day. He's unbuttoning his top enough to be able to get in and just start loosening the bandages around his chest. ]
I have a great memory. After talking to her, I would go back to my room and write everything down. [ Don't ask how good his memory is it's insane.
Once the bandages as loose, he's just going to slowly pull on them and start pulling them off. ]
It's because it's dangerous that he asked. He was worried people would target me based on my profile or my personality. The gravity powers are touch based, while Sonui is long distance. He probably figured if anyone went after one of us, they would be playing to the weaknesses of those abilities.
[ So someone going after Ango would stay out of hands reach while someone after Dazai would keep close to keep him from risking himself with glass shattering/noise blasting. ]
If it meant keeping him safe and giving him one less thing to worry about...
no subject
Date: 2020-02-10 04:05 am (UTC)It was making him think about things, such as their early interactions. He wondered, if things had gone differently, he would have accepted the other's advances.
He ended up deciding that he's more or less uncertain of anything and everything. He sighed, lowering the blankets a little. ]
...Alright, I guess I understand a little better now. Even if I can't say I'm very happy with the consequences and the fact it was done at all. What's done is done, and there's nothing else to be done about it right now.
[ Rean wished that it wouldn't have been used in such an advantageous way in a situation where Ango had killed. He released a shuddering breath. ]
As terrible as things went, Dazai, I'm glad at least that you're safe. I wouldn't know what to do if something had happened to you.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-10 04:20 am (UTC)I know. I never thought he would...
[ Sighing a bit as he bumps his head against the wall a bit. He's honestly is mad about that, but he can't bother to feel it any more. It's as Rean says... it's done with and over.]
There's no where else to go but forward.
[ He stops at those words though. Looking at Rean carefully for a moment before he just closes his eyes. ]
That makes it sound like I might be special to you. [ He said it before to Rean but he knows it's not true. ] You would have been fine without me. Well, you would be missing a lot more sleep.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 02:02 am (UTC)He sighed and just wished nothing had to be so complicated all the time. It'd sure make everyone's lives easier. ]
I don't think anyone should blame you for the actions he took, at least. You couldn't have known.
[ Those words of saying to go forward just make a distant memory come to mind, though that dissipated as he listened to what the other said. ]
Dazai, you are important to me. Just...not in a certain way.
If something had happened to you, I...would be missing more than a lot of sleep. I'm not sure if I'd be able to hold it together.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 02:21 am (UTC)Some of them will blame me for his actions because he did them for me. To keep me from finding out his secret.
[ This group had petty people in it. Not to mention, a lot of the headache wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Dazai. But that's just how it is. He's not going to pretend other wise.
Lightly pushing that hair before he let's go. Just going to scoot a little further away before laying down himself.
He's looking up at the ceiling for a moment or two before he turns to face Rean. Meeting those pale purple eyes. ]
I know. You don't have time for any of that.
[ He does reach over to offer his hand. ]
You're important to me, too. Not because of those feelings. Life here is interesting and a little brighter having you here. You're my friend.
[ And that's more important than any certain ways or special feelings he may carry. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 06:40 am (UTC)...That's not really fair, though.
[ If it was for the powers swap thing, that's one matter. But for Ango's own actions to kill Dist? It made his stomach twist, but he knew that Dazai was right.
And though these things weren't fair, they were what they were. He'll blink as he watched the other move away. But, he did appreciate the other's understanding as he responded like he did.
Rean will reach out for that hand, fingers wrapping around the other's gently. His expression went through a few emotions, but then he settled on smiling. ]
Dazai....I don't think there's any words I can say that'd properly convey how grateful I am for you. You've...always been by my side, and there when I need you the most. I'll never take that for granted, and though it's been rough sometimes, I'll never regret getting to know you.
So, no matter what happens here on...thank you for everything.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 07:04 am (UTC)Giving his hand a squeeze. ]
I'll be borrowing your hand. I won't be giving it back until after you wake up again.
[ At least Rean will know he's not planning on going any where. ]
We can talk more later. You need sleep.
[ The conversation is getting too soft and Dazai is being too honest. He does give a smile at Rean though. It's there for a moment before it's gone again. It's been a day. ]
Thanks you, Rean.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 03:15 pm (UTC)Mm, good night...there's no need to thank me...
[ With that, Z's start to come up because guess who just fell asleep. His grip was rather tight though.
And for once Dazai will be witness to a messy haired, late-raising Rean Schwarzer. As rare as it was. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 05:59 pm (UTC)Also that is so unfair to see him like that later. ]